I have just started to realize and understand the power of living in the now. I
have always been wrapped up in thinking about who I used to be, and who I will
become. These thoughts inhibited my ability to fully appreciate and acknowledge
where I am right now.
As I was dwelling on what used to be, or worrying
about the what if’s, I should be’s, and when I’s, I was losing precious,
valuable time of my life, time that could be used to focus on WHAT
IS.
What is, is right now. Right now I am taking time to accept what is
happening in the very moment I am living.
The mind and body work
together and have such a strong connection that it can either achieve greatness, or be
deadly. We can wrap ourselves up in a tangled web of emotions so tight we will
never be free. We can fight off feelings and thoughts for so long that they no longer
exist. We can push our bodies to limits until they are numb and no longer
feel.
Not long ago, I fully lost sight of who I am. I literally just
existed, went through my days in some what of a blur, never really acknowledging
what was going on around me. I no longer had any idea of what I liked, what I
wanted, and what was right or wrong. I could not communicate how I was feeling or
what I was thinking. My sense of self disappeared. How does one live without
taste, touch, smell, sight or hearing?
With self-awareness and
practice, I have learned how to live right now. A huge part of this is being
mindful. To be able to live and be in the now without judgement…is that
possible? It is, but it takes courage, patience, trust, love, confidence and
compassion. It means that whether you like it or not, you feel, taste, touch, see
and smell. These are things I once took for granted. How wonderful is it to feel
the comfort and love of someones hug, taste and savour a meal, smell the ocean,
shiver from a cool breeze, see dolphins jumping through waves, or the sun setting
after a beautiful day. How happy I am to feel full, feel hungry, feel tired, and feel pain, after my mind and body did not register these for so
long.
What helped me was to honour and acknowledge even my smallest
examples of success and achievements at that moment. They may be small to some,
but important and big for me: expressing how I was feeling, comfortably and
confidently saying no, asking for help without feeling like its a burden,
falling asleep when I was tired, waking up without an alarm, arriving on time,
making a plan, eating when I was hungry and stopping because I was content,
but not yet full…
Living in the now means I am being who I am. It means I
am constantly learning, failing, succeeding, challenging, and accepting. I feel
like each moment is precious and has a purpose. My mind once scattered
and unorganized, my body unhealthy and over stimulated, and my spirit lost and
broken, is now connected into one whole amazing unit. A balance of mind, body and
spirit, firing on all senses, living and loving right now.
The beautiful Natalie Willson is a personal trainer and teaches cardiac rehab classes. She lives in Vancouver, BC.